I wasn’t sure how to share this, probably because I still can’t figure out how I feel about it all, but I needed to let you know: I’ve gone back to work.
You’re probably wondering “but why?” or “what about when you said this?” or “who’s going to watch your baby?”
I’m so incredibly torn over this decision. Many of you chimed in that work brings you balance and sanity, while others applauded my desire to be a stay-at-home mom. I desperately want to be at home with my baby, but I couldn’t help but feel tossing my career out the window wouldn’t be the smartest decision for us right now. My husband and I can provide so much more for this little man if we both work. On the other hand, I’ve always felt it’s a luxury to be able to be at home with your children, something that is priceless and could never be outweighed by a day job.
Yesterday was his first day in daycare. I was told he did well for his first day, but judging by this picture I think he was hurting just as much as me. On the bright side, it makes me feel just a tiny bit better that he has a little buddy to hang out with all day.
There are so many working moms out there, so many women who have struggled with this same decision. If any of you are reading, please tell me! How do I feel less guilty for working? I feel like society is saying I’ve chosen work over my baby, which isn’t true! But why do I feel this way?
I love my little man with all my heart. If I could be at home with him all day, I would.
aaaw, brittany- you have to not listen to any other mommies and do what you know is best for you and your man and sounds like you know you are making the right choice.
thank you cassie :)
I agree with Cassie. Do what feels right for you and don’t ask for other opinions. I’m sure it hurts a lot and is so difficult to leave him at daycare. I’ll be thinking of you.
thanks julia!
As a working momma, I need to tell you there’s nothing shameful about working. I love knowing the example I’m setting for my daughter of a strong woman, and I maintain my sense of self and independence. My daughter is 13 months old and she LOVES it (I went back to work when she was 8 weeks old)! She has so many little friends and her day is so full of playing and learning. Daycare teaches your kids how to make friends and play with others, but most importantly it teaches them that even though you leave, you’ll always come back.
Don’t apologize for your choice! You guys will develop a routine and you’ll treasure the time you have together even more.
you’re so right Elizabeth, I’ve always considered myself a worker, and wanted to set that example for my future family. This makes me feel better for sure.
There’s no right answer. As much as you can, try to tune out the noise from others. The upside to being home is you’re there for everything. The downside is you’re there FOR EVERYTHING. The upside of working is you will be SO psyched to see him by the time you pick him up, I bet you’ll make the most of every minute. The downside is you’ll miss him during the day. Point being – there’s no right or wrong, and it’s hard no matter what. Sometimes I feel like working at home does my girls a bit of a disservice because even though I’m here, I’m kind of checked out and distracted a lot of the time. Mama-ing is hard, but love is what matters the absolute most and you know you have and give that :)
Thank you Jennifer!
You know, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks ~ they’re not walking in your shoes! You do what you feel is right for you and your family. Who knows, maybe a year or two from now things may be different. Be kind and gentle to yourself! :)
xo
Pat
thanks pat! i have to work on that being kind to yourself thing lol.
I have a 5-month-old son, and after 3 full months of maternity leave, I went back to work. The separation was definitely difficult at first, but I’m so happy with the decision. When I was home with my son, I wanted to get other things done and felt like I couldn’t give him all my attention all the time. But at daycare, he’s with people whose job it is just to play with him and make him happy ALL DAY! Fortunately, he’s in a small private daycare owned by a friend, but even in a larger daycare center, I would feel pretty much the same. An added bonus is that being more busy forces me to manage my time so I actually get way more done. And when I am home, I know that the time that I’m spending with my son is quality time.
Don’t feel guilty– there’s nothing wrong with being a working mom! Just do whatever feels right for you and your family!
thank you so much Robin!
Brittany, I NEVER comment on blogs, but your post really touched me. I have a 5-month-old and I work full-time, so I know exactly what you’re going through. I felt sick to my stomach my first few days back at work, but two months in, while I miss him like crazy and it’s difficult to balance everything, it is much, much easier. Day care has actually been really good for my son. I could see him becoming a baby who wouldn’t go to anyone but Mommy and I didn’t want that, for his sake or mine. Thanks to day care, he’s far more confident, and they really work with him to meet his milestones. He loves it. And it’s good for me to be out of the house and around people ;)
thank you elizabeth! this is really encouraging, and makes me feel a LOT better. I also know what you mean by being out of the house and around people. that’s the one thing that has surprised me as something i missed a lot.
You just need to do what is right for you and your fam :) Everyone has different circumstances and needs, women should support eachother in whatever choice they make in respect to this :) xoxo
thank you doll!
I can count more than 12 babysitters I had as a kid. Not a single one of them was “like a parent” to me. My parents were my parents. They raised me, imbued me with their values and were my role models. Daycare is a supplement, not a substitute, to what you do. Daycare teaches socialization, provides older kid role models (which pretty soon your kiddo is going to really seek and enjoy). Childcare providers who enforce the same boundaries and behaviors reinforce that your rules aren’t arbitrary, but that they’re shared by others (this makes your job easier).
I still ache sometimes dropping my little guy off at daycare. But then he comes home having learned new things, or says his friends names on the weekend, or grins and hugs his teachers when he sees them, and I know this is a good addition to his life. And the hugs, kisses and happy dance I get when I go to pick him up is a great reminder that no one is equal to his parents in his heart. It’s nice as a mom not to be taken for granted sometimes, but to get those moments of sweet joy when he sees me in the afternoon.
Good luck. It is hard. Go easy on yourself. You’re a great mom and you’re doing the best you can for your kiddo.
you’re so right Hannah! thank you for your encouragement. even though I feel sad and guilty, I know he’s getting the socialization in that he needs. It also comforts me that we found a daycare lady that so far seems to share the same values and routines as we do. The first few days have been an adjustment for sure, but we will find our rhythm soon.
Hi Brittany Unfortunately mom guilt is par for the course and apparently unavoidable. If it wasn’t this it would be something else. It’s always a struggle to find the right balance and you have to trust your own instincts on this. There will always be someone who disagrees with your parenting choices no matter what you do. Women can be harsh critics!
I know that for me, and for my husband, we are better parents when we are working. We come home for the day, ready to spend time with our kids. Weekends are really special, as it is a break from work, and 2 full days with our kids. But that is what works for us. As a parent, you will soon find someone to tell you that you are doing something wrong… no matter what do you. But you just have to be happy with what your decision is, and go with it. Screw other people’s opinions!
I am sure that was a very tough decision. You made the comment that “My husband and I can provide so much more for this little man if we both work” What any child needs, REALLY needs, is you, his mother. You can never get back all of those moments that happen only once – and odds are, working full-time, you will miss those. I do understand the struggle between want to be a good mother and not throwing away a career that you worked so hard for. But I am sure you know the old saying, “No one says on their deathbed, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office'”; Maybe you could look into working part time. People tend to make happen what they want to.
I’ll be taking maternity leave for just two months and then returning to work. I don’t know how I’m going to do it when I love this little guy so much and haven’t even met him yet. But most families aren’t fortunate enough for a parent to stay home so I wouldn’t feel any guilt- just a little heartbreak. These comments certainly are making me a little more confident that I won’t be a complete mess after returning to work!